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  1. jan_aq
    jan_aq January 12, 2005 at 9:06 am |

    “His Aunt held a screaming bundle, whiles both his uncle and cousin…” while

    “…she is your daughter son.” son’s daughter or daughter of your son.

    “Harry snapped at his cousin ungratefulness.” cousin’s

    “This is your fault! You contaminated my perfect son,” Harry snorted. Vernon just ignored it.” Meld the two sentences in the middle togetehr otherwise we’ll think Harry said it. ‘Harry snorted but Vernon just ignored it.’

    “That was the treason why Vernon was making such a racket;” reason

    “..and the child was a nuisance she rather not deal with,” she’d

    ““What is it that really bothers you uncle?” Uncle needs to be capitalized.

    “Only his aunt remained the little girl whimpering on her arms.” aunt remained, the little girl (added a comma)

    “She would have expected her Dodd y king…” do you mean Diddlykins? Didlykins?

    Great story so far. 🙂 That dumb Dudley! I’m so happy that Petunia at least wanted to keep her. You forgot to desribe what the baby looked like- maybe it will be in the next chapter? Harry is such a good boy- I am even feeling proud of him! How will he cope at Hogwarts with a baby?

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