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  1. jan_aq
    jan_aq January 12, 2005 at 1:56 am |


    Wow. Nice beginning! My interest is piqued.

    “Last he saw heir” Last he saw her

    “In away, his ignorance of the magical world had him believe that everyone could see them.” Either “in a way” or take the first phrases off because it doesn’t make as much sense. You could do something like “Harry’s ignorance of the magical world had shown up again and again and the latest seemed to be the fact that not everyone in the Wizarding World could feel/see magic.” ect.

    And just some comments:

    “…he realized there was a faint feeling of magic surrounding her. For an instant, the young teen panicked, had someone spelled or cursed his aunt?” I’m surprised that Harry doesn’t think that she’s an imposter- a Death Eater using polyjuice.

    The way that the information about everything that is going on in Harry’s life needs to be blended into the story better. Does Harry KNOW all these things about how people who can see magical auras might go crazy or that Wizards can grow into their full power? Very interesting theories and basis. 🙂

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